Sunday, January 11, 2009

Is it ok to Have a Crush?

How many times have you asked yourself that question? To be honest, until recently I have never thought about if it was necessarily "wrong" or "right". For the past few days I have been seriously thinking about what my opinions are on the topic, due to a question a friend recently asked me: "Is it ok to think a guy is cute?"

Here's what Vanessa says over at Maiden of Purity in her post about crushes...

"Now, there are many definitions to this word, but the one which fits best to
what I'm looking for is, "temporary love of an adolescent." Temporary means,
"lasting, existing, serving, or effective for a time only; not permanent." Does
that already explain a lot to you? This is what I'm getting from it. Why start a
crush, when they are ALL practically just temporary."

Exactly. Why have a crush when it's going to end anyway, probably with regrets and maybe even some hurt feelings? We should save our affection for our future husbands, who will greatly appreciate it. Our affection will be so much more precious to give after saving it for him, just as a present would be so much nicer to give if we didn't give away any pieces before presenting it to the intended person.

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Solomon 3:5

While thinking someone is cute and having a crush are very different things, I believe that "thinking a guy is cute" can very easily develop into a mild crush. Especially for girls. Just like guys struggle with looking inappropriately at ladies, girls struggle in having inappropriate thoughts about boys. Since God has designed us ladies to easily get infatuated with a guy (something that is intended for, and should be saved, for our husbands), we really need to guard our well as our minds.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

Having a crush all starts in our mind. It's not about "love at first sight" or "we instantly bonded", it's about what we have allowed ourselves to think about.

Whenever I find myself thinking about a guy, whether inappropriately or appropriately, I ask myself, "Would I want my future husband thinking about another girl in this way?" That always helps me easily catch any inappropriate thoughts that are infiltrating into a place I would much rather be using to glorify God, not disappoint or sadden Him.

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8

Another way I keep my thoughts pure is by frequently praying for my future husband. Not when I'm struggling with temptation, as that could lead to more impure thoughts (i.e.: "Please bless my future husband ~hmm...I wonder if Fred is the one?~ while he is going about his day today ~he's probably going to church...I bet he'll look good all dressed up...~), but while I'm doing every day things, or while already praying. My favorite time to pray for him is at night when I'm in bed. I like to take a few minutes to specifically ask God to help him grow in certain areas, such as knowing the Bible or having a good work ethic, and to bless him the next day, making it a good day for him and helping him to guard his heart, mind and eyes...something that I hope he is praying for me too!

We've also got to think about the younger girls who are watching us. When you were nine or ten, I'm sure any girl you knew who was thirteen or older, you wanted to copy her every move exactly. If she had a purple bedroom, you wanted a purple bedroom. If she liked white hot chocolate, suddenly your favorite drink was white hot chocolate. And, chances are, if she had any boyfriends or crushes, you wanted to have them too.

So, if you are in that "thirteen and older position", use it for good. Keep conversations with younger ladies positive, and don't bring up the "he likes me, I like him" topic all together. We want to encourage, not hinder.

"Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

One other thing Maiden of Purity said in her post was to pray Psalm 51 when you find yourself struggling with impure thoughts. I like that a lot! Psalm 51 was the psalm David composed after realizing he was wrong in committing adultery with Bathsheba. While having a crush and thinking about a boy in an impure way isn't exactly committing adultery, it certainly can be connected if you thought of it as sort of committing adultery using your emotions, instead of your body. Something to think about!

In closing, I would like to encourage you to guard your heart against having any "crushes". Also, keep guard and fight against any thoughts that could lead to them. Once you're married you can think "mushy" thoughts about your husband as much as you want save them till then!

What about you? How do you guard and fight against impure thoughts about boys? I would love to hear them. Or, maybe you have a different opinion on this topic. I'd like to hear that too.



Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing, Serenity! I have been thinking and praying about this topic a lot lately and was actually planning to write about it too. I wholeheartedly agree with what you wrote. What I have learned is that guarding my heart is a difficult, daily struggle but one that will be well worth it someday!

Love & blessings,

Karen said...

This was a beautiful post straight from the heart of a real young LADY. Great job :)

Hannah said...

Hi Serenity! I really like you blog I'm going to put a link to your blog from mine. That was agreat post.

Rachel and Jessica said...

Wow! Those are some great tips! Thank you for sharing! I also try to pray for my future husband(God willing). I know I would want him to be praying for me as well!


P.S. - Please feel free to stop by my and my sister's blog Young Homemakers! We would love a visit from you! I will be adding you to our blog list!

Anonymous said...

That was just what I needed!! Sorry I didn't read it sooner, then again I needed it now! I enjoy your blog! I live right next to you(state wise)!! How old are you?!


Miss Serenity said...

I'm 15, Dixie. Thanks for reading! No matter when you read my posts I always love to hear what you've got to say about them. :)


Anonymous said...

Wow great post! Super encouraging. Something I like to do in my spare time is write love notes to my husband. I went to barnes and noble about a half a year ago and bought a neat, leather bound journal that I could start using for my husband. I plan to fill up all the pages with prayers and affection for him and only him, and then hope to give it to him on our wedding night. Imagine the look on his face after seeing hundreds of pages written just for him, even when I didn't know him! Writing to him every now and then keeps my focus straight and encourages me not to settle for anything less than what God desires for me.

Have a blessed day :)